Forgiveness will help you now and especially in the future. Life is unfair and you are having to deal with a lot of unfairness right now. However, your parents also have the right to decide how much, if any, support they will continue to give you now that you are an adult.
There is a website you may find helpful when deciding how best to approach your parents about the challenges you are facing with your current living arrangement. I appreciate you writing in and wish you the best of luck moving forward. Take care. I can definitely relate with a lot of the posts here. I have been a guardian to my younger sister for the past months and its been a circus. She was 16 when she moved in and just turned 17 less then a week ago.
I don't know whats happened since More she first moved in since now but she's changed and even my partner noticed. My partner think my younger sister is likely using hard drugs like opiates because my younger sister just seems so distant and dark I guess in her eyes she think and expects that because I'm only her "sister" that I should just be cool and let her do as she pleases when she pleases.
However I've given her the benefit of the doubt and allowed her to show me how "mature and responsible" she is. I've had to argue with her to go to school and make sure she studies and completes all her homework.
Ive asked her to get a job, i had to argue with her to start making a resume, i had to nag her to hand out resumes, i got to the point where i was like I don't need to put up with her b.
I have a life, a partner our relationship has been strained because of the 16yrold , I'm a full time college student I'm 17 years old, and completed year 11 this year, pretty good grades only Bs and Cs. Since i did a maths specialist course, I have easy time solving the problems I come across in game development. During these school holidays, I've begun my career as an Indie games developer. More I was working on a game for about 3 weeks when my dad decided to take my computer charger because I haven't made money yet, now he wants me to get a job to get it back.
I've applied for about 6 jobs but I'm so annoyed hes not letting me develop the game which I intend on making money with. He constantly tells me not to use power or eat food because "I don't work" he says that "sitting on the computer is not work" - he wants me to do physical work, any work on the computer without immediate profit and he thinks its worthless, he doesn't even want to see my game!
Next week I want to leave this house and find another place to stay no relatives anywhere near where I live , not exactly sure where to go :. My son will be 18 next week and like all of the posts here he does not follow the house rules. If he continues when he is 18 I will lock him out - and he knows it.
Following through with tough love will be gut wrenching, but not as hard as watching him continually be definant and nasty to me. He's always been an angry kid and though extremely bright, not a good student. He's been in and out of therapy since he was in 1st grade.
As a teenager he was just playing lip service to seeing a therapist then quit out right. When his drug use amp up to popping pills and acid like candy we put him into a wilderness program for 10 weeks. He did very well and had learned coping skills and was relaxed and at ease. Well, that didnt last long and though the drug tests are negative for the hard drugs he's smoking weed again and drinking unitl he vomits.
He is in constant denial and has no use for any of his old mentors. He has a year and a half left of high school and is already on track to fail. He does come home when he and his girlfriend need a place to hang. His girlfriend is 18 and in the same highschool, is in a heavy metal band with older people whom they both admire. I have tried everything that I can possibly do as a mother but I will not be an enabler. In less then 2 weeks he'll be At that point he will have to obey by the house rules pm curfew on a school night - midnight on a weekend, stay drug and alcohol free,pass school and be polite or he will have to find somewhere else to sleep.
I have a 17 year old that does not like to follow our rules. My daughter has put this family through HELL the last 2 years. I have had to file over 25 runaway reports on her since Aug She has been sent to the juvenile detention center for 14 days for scratching and hitting me.
She will be 18 In 7 months and all she keeps saying is moving out when the clock strikes midnight for her birthday. And you know something I can't wait either. My home has no peace. I just keep praying that God gets me through until the next 7 months. My daughter just graduated high school and will be 18 in a month. She no longer wants to stay with her dad for school and wants to come back home with me.
He is refusing to let her leave now. He says what he says goes and if she don't like it, too bad. As a 17 year old myself, I can find truth in a lot of what you say. There are however a few responses which I felt were somewhat demeaning-.
In my opinion, this is highly generalised and although I can acknowledge there are a number of parents who have been unfortunate to experience this, it was offensive to find.
I wish everyone the best with any issues they are having concerning their troubled teens, and to not take the dictator approach! It's spring break week, and Tuesday I spent the entire day with my children taking them shopping, running errands for my 18 year old 10 days after her 18th birthday , and taking them to lunch My 18 year old wanted to go to the pet store to look at fish stuff, so all 7 of us went.
I was walking around with 2 of my other children looking at everything, including the humane society cats that were there and she came to where I was and started talking about this cat and how she wanted it I told her to ask her daddy because I didn't think he was gonna let her have a cat She was very adamantly telling her dad and very loudly, I might add, that she was 18, could do what she wanted and that we couldn't tell her what to do She said she was gonna get the cat and pack up her stuff and go move in with her aunt.
I thought she was kidding like she always does these threats of moving out are constant, before and after she turned I made the comment that she could pack her stuff and I would help her I was laughing when I said it Two of my other children and I went through checkout and went straight to the car without another word to her because I wasn't going to be embarrassed by my 18 year old in the pet store because of a cat, which is the fit she was throwing with her daddy not me!
She had apparently started to text some friends to come to the pet store and I didn't know it. I'm in the car for minutes with two of my children. I told her dad when he and two more of my children came to the car that I was ready to go I wanted to get stuff for supper and go home. I was tired and wanted to eat and go to bed. I hadn't slept since early Monday morning. By that time her friends came to the car with her and she climbed in the back out of the rain and introduced her new friend to me and her friends said, to my 18 year old, "do you wanna go watch movies, hang out and eat pizza?
I don't care. She got out of the car and left with her friends, without another word We went to the grocery store on our way home about 30 minutes from when we left her , in that time she had her friends bring her to my house where she came in through my little girls bedroom window, she broke a mirror and pulled the speaker out of their stereo,in th process of coming through the window She came in, packed her stuff and left before we got home.
When I figured out what had happened, because she left the front door locked but not closed completely so it was open. By this point my husband gets a text from his sister saying, "just thought you should know your oldest daughter is at my house". He told me that his sister text him and I text my 18 year old and told her, "its time for you to come home. So, I called her. I told her that she was a chicken in how she handled the situation. She talks big about being an "adult" but that she acted like a child sneaking out and running away from home the way she left.
I told her to bring me her phone that I wasn't furnishing her a phone on an account with our names on it if she didn't live here. She knew the rules about moving out and honestly she was just looking for any little excuse to blame any of us for her moving out and moving in with her aunt.
She's had it planned and it was supposed to be a big secret from me and my husband. She and her aunt have been planning her moving out for over a year She told my oldest son on the night of the military ball late February or early March that on the Sunday, after her 18th birthday she was gonna come home and pack all her stuff and move out.
So anyway, she called her dad about an hour later, after I called her, on Tuesday night and told him I was rude to her in front of her friends in the pet store and that she was embarrassed. I didn't say a word to her in front of her friends in that store I wasn't in there with her and her friends I was already in the car. She has everyone believing that she is the victim and that I am nothing but a mean, horrible person.
She has pulled this with me before Not to the extent of moving out but just acting out impulsively And it's always my fault Then Thursday is my husband's grandmother's funeral She walked up to me and stood there looking at me when I was sitting in the church And I said to her, "I don't have anything to say to you here It's not about you today.
It's not about you today! I wasn't in any kind of mood to deal with any of it. She went and told everyone that she tried to hug me and I told her to go away In between all of this stuff, she has called my oldest son and asked him to check and see if she left anything on the headboard of her bed and asked if I was mean to him He said, "no why would she be?
She and my middle daughter were messaging on Facebook and she asked if I knew that my middle daughter was talking to her and my middle daughter said, "yeah why.. Why does it matter? I sent her a message on Facebook on Thursday night that said, "why do you think I don't want anyone talking to you?
And why can't you be adult enough to come talk to me and your dad? This doesn't need to tear our family apart. The part that hurts me is that I've always bent over backwards for her. I'm the one she calls when she needs or wants something I have done so much for her to keep her happy, so she would stay I had all her Sr. Had the hair, dress, shoes, flowers, jewelry all planned And I was gonna pay for it I don't know what more I could have done to make her happy and make her stay All of this 33 days before graduation from high school Any advice?
A much more important part of that system is helping your child to learn how to problem solve. This teaches kids that there are rewards and consequences in life for the choices they make. In addition, in order for consequences to work, you have to offer rewards or else your consequences just become punitive.
Try to think of an incentive for your daughter to encourage her to work toward finishing school or to seek employment. This can be a daily incentive earned for spending time working toward her goals. Just a couple of comments regarding drug testing and older teenagers who refuse to act responsibly at home.
When my son was in high school, he was experimenting with drugs - to what extent we don't know. Depending on your current stage of life, you may be thinking about moving out for several reasons. Before taking any drastic action, take a moment to weigh your options so that you can move out in a safe and legal way.
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Download Article Explore this Article methods. Tips and Warnings. Related Articles. Method 1. All rights reserved.
This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. Research the age of majority for your country. If you want to move out and be completely independent of your parents or guardians, you may want to consider legal emancipation. While most places declare 18 to be the age of majority, or legal independence, there are some places that offer exceptions for emancipation without an intense legal process.
Go to source. Have a stable and consistent income. In order to be emancipated and be able to move out at age 16, you will need to prove to the court that you have a source of income. Find a safe place to live. Enact a plan for completing your public education.
Depending on where you live, you may have to stay in school. Fill out all of the necessary paperwork. Many of these forms will have to be signed by your parent or guardian. Go to source Depending on where you live, some of these documents may have to be signed by a legal third party i.
Apply for emancipation in court. You will need to prove your financial and housing status during this process. Method 2. Save enough before you leave to set yourself up.
You will need money for board or rent, bond, power, phone, food and travel costs. Decide when, how and with whom you are staying with before leaving, and what your long-term accommodation plan is. If you do not have a job or money, you will need to check if you can claim any benefits before leaving. If you would like some temporary advice, contact us at YouthLaw. The law is unclear about some types of property, such as furniture in your bedroom, pillows, sheets, and blankets.
If your parents and you cannot agree on what you should take, you could make a claim at the Disputes Tribunal where a decision can be made about whether you own the property that you want to take for a fee. Visit Community Law Website.
Community Law Centres. YouthLaw Free legal help throughout Aotearoa. Education Resources About Contact us Blog facebook. Leaving Home Leaving home is one of the most difficult decisions you may make as a young person if you choose to leave home.
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